I lost your tobacco at the party
I didn’t even want to smoke
but I was very nervous for about half an hour
wearing such a dress as I was

I lost it

maybe someone took it

I don’t know

and stine said “don’t worry about it
she bought it last october
and when she mentions it
just tell her

it was dry, there was nothing left, get over it”

I was probably not nervous because of the dress
but because of the boy
whom I liked beyond the edge of my seat
and I felt I had to meet soon
and strip our relationship of all the
golden stars I had left on his fridge


so I met him

the next day


it went fine

to be honest


and when I got home
you asked me about your tobacco
and I told you with a grin
“it was dry, there was nothing left, get over it”


and you had a grin too
the kind panthers get
when their face muscles twitch

and you took a breath that wasn’t deep
but it was punctuating something

and said


“this thing
you had
with this boy”

then you paused again and looked away

(you have dramatic timing
and I love you very much)

“it was dry, there was nothing left, get over it”


and I laughed
and you laughed
(I even snorted
which made me laugh even harder)
and when we laugh we forget
we want to cry over something


and I hope he’s laughing too