I put three chewing gums in my mouth just to shut up 

to have a lying reason to shut up

I like the soup

I like your company

nice hair

why thank you

it’s just me and my vanity and my blue corduroy kimono

hope you’re happy

I mean that not as a kind thought

but as an indication that I’m not

if I could only give you one day it would be one where I’m surrounded by people and look like a smashing success, wearing high heels, just to put myself in places where you can’t reach me

if I could only give myself one day it would be the first day of an early trip we took together, where we acted with impish emotional exhibitionism and that performative love was the realest we’d ever feel

stretch out

sore throat

tired eyes

but this is the beginning that doesn’t know its end yet

the snake that didn’t bite its tail yet

what was his name

what tires you

were you born with your tail in your mouth?

these boys with sad eyes 

and straight teeth 

and broken hearts 

inside their tough chests, 

with such beautiful heads, 

as if I lost consciousness in some greek museum

what are they doing in my life

in my life

where it’s just me

and my vanity

and my blue corduroy kimono

just standing there

with three chewing gums in my mouth

so I can pretend I can’t talk

waiting on the sidewalk

imagining i’m a dog

loyal and patient

with no notion of time

just like in real life

this moment feels like forever

but not vice-versa

hope you’re happy

I mean that not as a kind thought

but as an indication that i’m not

hope you’re happy